I've been on the other side of this issue as a pastor's wife dealing with people in our church who were going through a crisis either through health issues or losing a loved one. It's hard to know what to say, and sometimes it's harder still to know how to help.
With that in mind, I thought I'd mention a few things that can be a big help in situations such as these. Since we're all about helping each other, please feel free to list additional suggestions in the comments.
1. Pray. So often we feel helpless when someone we know is going through a trial. We may even say something such as, "All I can do is pray". That statement is misleading because praying is the best and most powerful help you can give.
2. Make sure the person you're praying for knows you're praying. You have no idea how much encouragement and comfort I received when I would update my husband's condition on facebook and then read comment after comment such as: "praying!", or "we'll continue to pray". There was no greater comfort!
3. Give help that's needed. Often we long to do something, but we need to be smart about how we go about it. For instance, don't cook a whole meal and drop it off unless you know they need it. Sometimes, especially in cases where a loved one has died, I've heard the family discuss how much food is at the house and how they don't know what to do with it all.
4. Food is the first thing that most people think of, especially when the family they want to help might have relatives coming in from out of town. If at all possible, it's best to coordinate meals through your church. That way you can make sure you don't accidentally double up or miss a day. You can also make sure you don't serve spaghetti three days in a row.
5. Speaking of food, here are a few guidelines to go by: find out if there are any allergies you need to be aware of; know how many people you need to prepare for; make comfort food; your meal should also include bread and dessert; use disposable pans/dishes so that the family doesn't have to worry about washing and returning your dishes.
6. If food's not needed, there are other items you can supply. If family is coming in from out of town, you can see if they need extra pillows or blankets or towels. You can also drop off some toiletry items such as shampoo and body wash, toothpaste and new toothbrushes.
7. You might want to provide items such as paper plates, plastic cups, plastic forks and spoons, paper towels and toilet paper and even garbage bags.
8. Instead of a general offer of help, be specific. For instance, instead of saying, "let me know if you need anything", say "I'm heading to the store. What can I pick up for you?" Or, "I'm headed to the hospital. Can I bring you a coffee?"
9. Don't get offended if they don't take you up on your offer. You can always check back in a day or a week and offer again. And always remind them that you're praying for them.
10. Don't get offended if you're not updated personally. I had several different people at different times text to ask me how my husband was doing. I know at least two different times I started to text an answer, but was interrupted by something. I didn't realize I hadn't answered them until days later. I did do a daily update on facebook, and both of those people saw those updates so their questions were answered even if I didn't respond personally. And both of them didn't have a problem with that.
When a crisis happens, lots of help tends to pour in all at once. After a month has passed, check back and see how they're doing. Remind them you're still praying for them. Or tell them, "God put you on my heart. What day this week can I bring a meal by for you?"
Just so you know, this blogpost is not a thinly disguised plea for help. My Indiana Jones is continuing to recuperate, and we are doing fine. We're also overwhelmed and humbled by all the people that expressed concern and that helped out and that prayed for us. God bless you all!
So do you have any suggestions to add? How do you help when needed?
