Monday, June 26, 2017

Ain't That the Truth!

Because it's Monday, I thought I'd give you a few  facts you can share with others to make your day just a little more interesting. Keep in mind that I have not personally verified all any of these facts. But I found them on the internet, so I'm certain they must be true.
  1. Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour. Or you could just ... you know ... exercise.
  2. Pteronophobia is the fear of being tickled by feathers!  And nomophobia is the fear of being without mobile phone coverage. What's your point?
  3. When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red. Does it happen when they realize they've run out of coffee in the morning or just when they get cut off in traffic?
  4. A flock of crows is known as a murder. And a group of jellyfish is known as a smack.
  5. “Facebook Addiction Disorder” is a mental disorder identified by Psychologists. The danger is real!
  6. The average woman uses her height in lipstick every 5 years. I prefer to put it on once a day, but to each her own.
  7. May 29th is officially “Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day“. And today is National Chocolate Pudding Day. Now that makes more sense!
  8. Cherophobia is the fear of fun. And thaasophobia is the fear of being boring.
  9. Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water. Who tested this?!?!? Eww!!!
  10. Bananas are curved because they grow towards the sun. This just makes me smile!
  11. During your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools. How is it even possible to test this?
  12. If Pinocchio said “My Nose Will Grow Now”, it would cause a paradox.
  13. Polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in a single sitting. I'm sure there's a polar bear or two that could squeeze in 87 if he didn't mind feeling a little stuffed.
  14. Heart attacks are more likely to happen on a Monday. Well of course! 
  15. in 2015, more people were killed from injuries caused by taking a selfie than by shark attacks. How sad is it that this doesn't even surprise me?
So there you go--topics for lunchtime at work. Your welcome.

P.S. Which facts do you really believe to be true?

Friday, June 23, 2017

Surprise!


Shortly after my husband and I were married I found a job working at a psychiatric office. I worked five days a week, and had an hour long round trip commute. On Mondays I worked ten hours, which were always long days considering where I worked and the type of people that came through the door.  



One Sunday evening after church we were relaxing in our apartment, and we were looking on Craigslist at different things. Just for kicks we started looking at the animals. We all love looking at adorable animal pictures, don't we? We came across some disgusting snakes, some puppies and an adorable orange cat. When we got to the picture of the cat I looked at my husband and said, “aww, it’s so cute.”

Well, Monday rolled around and off to work I went. When my day ended, I called my husband and let him know I was on my way home. This particular Monday he sounded a little short, and was quick to get off the phone. I wasn’t sure what was wrong, so the whole way home I was wondering what was going on. As I walked in the door of our apartment, Matt was standing there smiling and all of his brothers were sitting very quietly on my couches. They were all waiting for a reaction. A reaction to what, you ask? It was all very weird. The blinds were all shut, the lights were all off except the kitchen, and there was a smell, a nasty smell. That could have been the boys; the jury is still out on that one. It took me a few minutes to figure out what they were all up to. A few seconds later I saw a little orange fur ball come out from around the couch. My husband said, “SURPRISE!”. That it was. I was not happy. I went to my room, closed the door and cried!



Did I mention I am allergic to cats?

I didn’t like my job, it was a long, bad day, and I was definitely surprised to come home to a room full of boys and this new cat. Matt came to our room to check on me. I told him I appreciated the gesture, but the cat had to go. Then I proceeded to tell him just because I said it was cute didn’t mean I wanted it. He said, “it was FREE”. 

That also doesn’t make it better. There was probably a reason it was free. Perhaps his SMELL? I said, “Please, get rid of him.” Well at that point it was too late in the evening to give him back. I gave the cat some water and put him in our guest bathroom … all night. It might have been a little cruel, but come on! What would you have done? 

The next day Matt took the cat to his parents' house to stay the night. My mother-in-law wasn’t too happy, but my husband assured her it was ok because they already had two cats and it would be fine. It was just for one night. Wrong--it was there for two nights. By Wednesday the little orange fur ball was back to it's owner and I was still working on getting the smell out of our apartment.

So the moral of the story is, just because a woman says something is cute doesn’t mean she always wants it. Unless it’s a purse or a pair of shoes. Then, yes, you do indeed have permission to surprise us!

Have you ever been surprised with something you didn’t want?

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

VBS!!

Well, it's VBS week at our home church. Which can be exhausting in and of itself, but our church does it very uniquely. We also have our missions conference in the same week. We do VBS from 9 - noon, and then come back for the evening service at 7 every evening. So, I thought in honor of all of us here at my church, I would do a "this is VBS" post.

    It starts weeks before VBS even starts. First comes the announcement. The get excited and go sign up for a class announcement.
Then comes the recruiter because not enough people signed up to help. It's an unpleasant job, but someone has to be the bad guy.
Then comes the first day excitement. You wake up like this guy.

and then you go a little overboard because it's day 1 and you're excited! 

By around day three, the kids have pulled you in every direction, spit on you, hit you, and cried over not getting prizes. But all of that is ok, you're sill smiling and
you've still got a few days to go 


By the end of day three and day four, you're pretty much past the point of no return. The kids have had so much candy that they couldn't calm down even if they wanted to . 

Day five, you're back to this over enthusiastic guy, because hey, why not. It's the last day so finish strong!

On Friday evening this is you. Almost in unbelief that the kids are all going home. 

Followed by this guy on Saturday. 

  Well, that's our week. I'm loving every second of it so far, but I'm also really looking forward to passing out on Saturday. How does your church do vbs?







Monday, June 19, 2017

He Said, She Said

I have spent the past thirty-one years sharing my life with the original Indiana Jones, and I've been raising our five sons for the past twenty-eight years. That amount of time has allowed me an up close and personal look at the way males view things. Once I got past the shock and horror of this knowledge, I realized that I am in the unique position of being able to interpret male thoughts and actions that are incomprehensible to most females. I thought I'd share a few of these insights with you.

Say you and your husband pass another woman in a store or a restaurant and you make some kind of a comment to your husband about her. (I don't like her dress, shoot me if I ever try that color on my hair, etc...) Your husband responds by saying, "You're prettier than she is." Here's what's going through each of your minds:

She:  I never asked if I was prettier. Why would he say that? Does he think I'm insecure? Does he think I'm comparing myself with her? Is he comparing me with her? If I'm prettier, does that mean he thinks she's pretty? Is that his idea of beauty? Does he hate the color of my hair?

He:  I gave her a compliment. Brownie points! Is that a squirrel?

You've been concerned about your child all day long. He doesn't seem as energetic as usual, and he has a runny nose. You share this observation with your husband when he gets home.

She:  Do you think he's teething or is he getting sick? What color is his snot? Does he feel warm at all? Does he feel too cold? Is it too cold in here? Should I turn the air conditioning down? Am I causing us to spend too much on our electricity so that we can't afford to take our son to the doctor to get checked out because I think he might be getting sick? I think I must be a terrible mother!

He:  I don't want to touch him if he's getting snot all over everything. Is that a squirrel?

You know your husband never remembers important dates, and you don't want to spend all of Mother's Day being angry that he forgot, so you gently remind him that Mother's Day is coming up this Sunday. He responds by saying, "Did you get my mom a card?"

She:  Your mother?!?!? What about me? Don't I deserve a card? Am I that terrible a mother that he thinks of his mother before he thinks of the woman that gave him all these kids? Do my children think I'm a bad mother? Does his mother think I'm a bad mother?

He:  Did she get my mom a card?

Your anniversary falls on a Wednesday. Your husband is traveling home from a trip that day, plus you have church that night. You're going to go away overnight the following week to celebrate your anniversary, but you suggest to your husband that you also go out to dinner the day after your anniversary to just at least acknowledge the day. Your husband says, "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

She:  Whatever? That's all our anniversary is worth to him now? Is our marriage in trouble? Are we falling out of love? Do I need to get some self-help books about keeping the romance in our marriage? Am I letting myself go? Should I get a gym membership? Do I need to lose a few pounds?

He:  What did she say we were having for dinner?

Remember that men in general are not very subtle so what they're saying is what they're usually thinking. And the one rule above all others is this:  don't ask what they're thinking unless you really want to know. And in most cases, you probably really don't want to know.

Friday, June 16, 2017

A Dad and His Daughters

Happy Father’s Day Weekend!



In honor of Father’s Day I thought it would be fun to do a Q & A with my husband and our daughters.

Matt, if I was not at home and wouldn’t be home for another two hours, you have one child that threw up and the other went number two in her diaper, what would you do?
Matt: Call my mom and ask if she was busy at the moment.

Me: How old do your daughters need to be in order to date?
Matt: Mid-twenties to early forties.

Me: What type of guy will your daughters marry?
Matt: for Stella probably someone who can be henpecked, someone she can boss around. For Talia, a man’s man, an adventurer, someone who will climb a mountain because she’s climbing onto everything. For Olivia, i’m not sure yet.

Me: What are the girls’ favorite foods?
Matt: for Stella it’s chicken nuggets.(Close, it’s cereal and milk) 
For Talia, it’s Nutri-grain bars… she’s always climbing on the counter to get some out of the cabinet and for Olivia it’s Ramen. 

Me: What is something that Dad always tells you?
Stella: “obey now”
Talia: “get down” (because she’s trying to get the Nutri-grain bars)

Me: What are their favorite colors?
Matt: Stella’s is pink and so is Talia’s, although Stella says it’s purple because she doesn’t want to share a color with her sister.

Girls, what is Daddy’s favorite color? 
Both girls: Um, Blue!

Me: What is Dad’s favorite food?
Talia: Cheez-it

Me: What is dad’s favorite toy?
Stella: XBOX, is dad’s favorite but that’s my favorite toy too! (who said that?)
Me: What is daddy good at?
Stella: Juggling ( I didn’t even know he could do that)
Talia: He saves the day (We were visiting my parents once and her balloon blew into the neighbors tree and he rescued it.)


Me: Where does dad like to go?
Stella: The gym. He has big muscles. 
Talia: “The Hostibal” (That means hospital, and she thinks we like going there because we’ve had to take her so many times. )

Me: What is your favorite thing that you’ve done with daddy?
Stella: “when we goed to the movie and get candy at the store”
Talia: when we got marshmallows



On Father’s Day, take a minute and have your husbands do this with you children. I would love to see what they would say! Copy and Paste the Q & A in the comments with their answers!

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Too Soon??

   You know those moments in life, where it’s always too soon to bring them back up? 

   Well, on my hubby’s side of the family we have quite a few of those. Where do I start? There was the time when My hubby and I got engaged. Both my hubby and his younger brother were preparing for marriage at the same time, and his brother’s fiancĂ© and I had gotten very close. Every time I would come to town to visit my future in-laws, I would stay with her. When the time came for my hubby to propose, he told his brother not to tell her because she wouldn’t be able to keep the secret from me. That resulted in her not being able to get off work and be there with everyone else when he actually did propose. She really wasn’t thrilled, and to this day when the topic of our engagement comes up and we do the “remember when’s”, she gives us a look. Our response, “Too soon?”.

   Then there was the time, when I returned her the favor.  I was on my way to her wedding. I took the time off of work, got up at 5 a.m. so that I could get there in time to do some of the family festivities, and got on the road. Around 2 ½ hours into the trip the weather took a turn for the worse. Did I mention it was January and their wedding was in West Virginia? A brilliant time and location for me to take my first long road trip alone, right?!? So, 3 hours into the trip, I hit black ice. Enough said. My car spun out of control, I hit the median a couple of times, and then my car went into the ditch on the other side of the road. In that thirty seconds I just knew I was going to die. I know, I know, slightly dramatic, but I’m owning it, okay. Needless to say, I never made it to the wedding. Now when they do their wedding “remember when’s”, my brother in law looks at me and says “remember that, Steph? Oh wait, too soon?”. My other brother in law is getting married this weekend. I’m really hoping to make it to this one.


   There’s also the “too soon” that goes back to before hubby and I were even dating. He worked at Kohl’s and I went in there one day to say “hi”. He was working on cleaning up a display table and we just chatted for a while. After a while I looked over and there was one of those Hawaiian shirts hanging next to me.  You know the ones that make you think of a guy like this?
So, I picked it up and told him "these shirts are just so ugly!". He looked at me dead serious and said "my dad wears those every day". I thought it was a joke, so I laughed. He wasn't joking, but he was laughing. He continued laughing and called his dad right then and there in front of me and told him what I thought of his wardrobe. His dad had never even met me, the girl interested in his son, and here I was insulting his wardrobe. Five years later this is still a "too soon" for us. We don't really talk about it, I just tell him often how awesome I think his shirts are. I don't think he believes me, but we pretend. 

  This is just a few of our many "too soon's".  I'm sure that we all have some. What are yours?

Monday, June 12, 2017

The Real Truth About Marriage

Indiana Jones and I will be celebrating thirty-one years of mostly marital bliss this Wednesday. What have I learned in thirty-one years of marriage?

1.  Fairy tales are best left up to Disney. In real life scenarios I don't always get to be Beauty. Sometimes I'm the Beast.

2.  I-love-you's are sometimes said with a warm hug and a kiss, and sometimes they're said by taking out the dog when it isn't your turn.

3.  No one really understands the "in sickness and in health" vow until they've had to take care of someone with a bad case of the stomach flu.

4.  Men are sometimes right. (Don't tell them I said so.)

5.  There really aren't sides in a marriage. It's more of a big, messy circle.

6.  When Solomon said there was a time to keep silence and a time to speak in Ecclesiastes 3, he was probably thinking about marriage.

7.  Every day you have to choose to love each other. Sometimes that choice is easy, and sometimes you choose to love each other because you promised God you would.

8.  Generally speaking, marriages are happier if you never run out of toilet paper.

9. There can't be a "his" and "hers" in a marriage. It all has to be "ours".

10. The exception to #9 is toothbrushes. You really need to have your own.

Oh come on. Were you really expecting something profound?